So I finally realized why girls want you to text them first. They just realize that they aren’t allowed to speak unless spoken to.

Today my girlfriend asked me why i never want a handjob. I told her i don’t want cum on my sandwiches. MLIB

Today i fist bumped a girl by pounding my dick into her vagina

Today I took a 45 min shit. So chill.

I put a lock on my girl’s TV so that the only station she could watch is the Food Network.

today i was at the store buying some natty and a blunt, i saw an issue of cosmo and on the cover read; 4 ways to please your man. I was curious so i flipped to the page.
1. suck his dick
2. juggle his balls
3. make him a sandwich
4. dont talk so much
the bitches know whats up. it was chill

To all the girls that post on MLIB…this is not my life is kitchen so serious get off MLIB and go make another sandwich

Today my girlfriend told me to get a woman’s perspective on life… so i went to the kitchen and looked out the window.

Today, I found out that when chicks tell someone that they’re lesbo it’s called “coming out of the kitchen” MLIB

Today someone asked me what the useless skin around a vagine was called. I answered “A woman?” Then we fist bumped. MLIB.