Like this if your a bro. If not it’s chill, just get in the kitchen.

Tyler Thompson, I am currently banging your sister. MLIB

My moms new boyfriend whispered in my ear as my mom left the room, “that ass is all mine”. Instead of beating his ass i just laughed and whipped out my camcorder, showing him the sex video his daughter and I made. She was wearing a shirt that said Daddy’s Little Girl.MLIB

Today, my woman tried to post on MLIB, all that came out was “dhkayieuksd”. Stupid bitch, you can’t type with oven mitts on

today, i got drunk before i took my drivers license picture, so when i get pulled over drunk, i look the same. MLIB

Today I got dome from this bitch in an elevator. It was chill on so many levels.

I have never made a sandwich. I’m 73. MLIB.

I’m a Mexican bro. My bitch makes me quesadillas.

I fucked my girlfiend and the condom broke. i told her to chill because i pulled out (kind of) but she insisted that i go buy her the morning after pill. i drove all the way to CVS then realized i forgot my wallet so i bought some tic taks with some change i found in my car and gave her one, she thought it was the pill. That was 9 months ago. Today i met my newest bro. Hes pretty chill.

i have successfully fucked one chick from 6/7 continents. Time for Antarctica and i have a feeling its gonna be chill