Today my u.s. history asked me to tell a joke. i told her the nineteenth ammendment. (women’s rights) MLIB

Today i told my girlfriend i would let her play COD if she gave me a blowjob. I let her think it was her playing in the trailer, she thought she did great. Then she gave me a blowjob.

today my neighbors 8 year old daughter was making some cash with a lemonade stand. i needed some cash too so me and my bros set up a natty ice stand right next to hers. we got 3 times as much cash as she did, than her mom made us sandwiches. so chill MLIB

during lax season i made a bet with my main bitch that for every goal i ripped shed give me some dome, and for every assist shed make me a sandwhich. Lets just say i had a full stomach and empty balls after every game. MLIB

I walked into the kitchen and my girlfriend wasn’t there, then I took another look and I found her in the laundry room. It was chill.

After the condom broke I took my girlfriend to CVS for the Morning After Pill, I parked in the spot designated for “Expecting Mothers”…I thought it was fuckin hilarious, she started to cry.

if you’re reading this, you’re bro. MLIB.

Today, I demoralized some females, drank some natty, and washed my polos. Correction: My girlfriend washed my polos. MLIB.

Today i picked up a hot slampiece at the planned parenthood clinic. We went to my place and raw dogged it. Then i sent her back for a refund. MLIB

Last night I picked up Sarah, fucked her, dropped her off, showered, picked up Sarah, and fucked her. Best part? Two different Sarah’s. It was chill.