On Valentines Day my girlfriend got me a 30 pack of bud light. I told her to go back to the store and switch it for Naty Ice and make me a sandwich and suck my dick for my grievances. It was Chill. MLIB

Today I got board and typed in 1800 road dome on my phone and it turns out it was the keystone customer service #. It was chill.

Tonight, I ordered Chinese. While I was eating I realized that 69 was written on the side of the container. Right below that it said Enjoy. That meal was chill as fuck. MLIB

today at work some old slut told me she was a teacher at an elementary school and that i look like one of her students. im 21. i then slammed her in the bathroom and after i came in her i told her i was her student. thats chill as fuck.

Today I realized that no one ever comments on stories, go ahead look. It’s because bro’s don’t need to make any comments. They just nod at the computer like “Yeah that’s how I feel about things in life and stuff. Hey honey, who said you could come in here when I’m on the computer, what’s that? Oh, mustard and mayo, no pickles.”

Today my ex bro ruined his 69 bowling score on the last frame and said fuck Nati. Needless to say why he is my ex bro. Not chill.

My mom asked me why I wasn’t studying. My dad told her to chill and tossed me another natty. MLIB

Today my bitch asked to go on a dinner date, I paused, then said no – that would be a reason for her to leave the kitchen… oh, then i cracked a natty at when to lax

Johnny Sins(pornstar) what a badass motherfuckin bro. Goes to work has a hot slampiece waiting for him, fucks her, cums in her mouth. And then gets paid for it. Very chill.

Today my sister asked me to take out the trash. I asked her why she couldn’t take out the trash then I realized she’s a chick she cant leave the kitchen