today, i walked my dog in the park wearing an elite club pinny, wayfarers nice shorts and a fitted; in hopes of picking up bitches using my dog as a magnet. i got 6 chicks numbers. it was a 5 minute dog walk. MLIB

Today i went outside shirtless, it was snowing. so chill. MLIB

Today I bought a 30 of natty light. I used a pokemon card of Machamp as ID. It was free. MLIB

Last week I hit a bitch while driving my car. Oh wait, i forgot that i don’t drive in the kitchen. MLIB

I iced some girl in bed after fucking her for like a hour and she did it right away. it was chill. MLIB

Last night I was chilling high at this girls pool. Then one of my best bros came in, we ran and hugged but it wasn’t gay at all, just bromantic.

Told a bitch it was my birthday so she’d give me head. I fond out that she has a special birthday package that includes her 3 sisters too. MLIB

Today I told my girlfriend she should stop eating sandwiches and start making me some. I also learned that a BLT lightly sprinkled in tears is arguably the best sandwich known to brokind. MLIB

Today I got laid, drank 12 Natty Ices, had my bitch make me a sandwich, and got laid again. Its only 10 a.m. MLIB

Today is the fourth day in a row in which I wore a pinnie and not a shirt. MLIB.